Wednesday, January 10, 2007

(Oh, allright then)- The Comedy

What a stupid and neurotic thing to do! Literally climbing the wall to escape him. Him was a young man I knew at college and worshipped from afar. He, tall, gorgeous in all the right places, intelligent, popular. Me, short, pleasantly plump in all the wrong places, intelligent, nerd. It would have never worked. I knew that, not that I truly wanted it to but I had to tell my friends, didn’t I? I forgot friends, for all their best intentions, find it enormously difficult to keep, what they referred to as, ‘juicy gossip’, to themselves. It defied all the scientific realms of will power and the unspoken bond of trust and loyalty.
Anyway they told him and I withered. It was as if his very knowing he had an admirer in me was enough to devoid me of my wits. And then having the entire college discover the object of my affection, my senses quickly followed.
My friends had no idea what to make of me. One minute we were talking quite amicably, comfortable in the knowledge my idol was nowhere in sight, when before they realised it I was attempting to scale the wall next to us. The windows above led to the library. The sight must have been comical certainly when I hastily said to the bemused faces gazing at me,
‘I wonder if that book’s in.’ But the reason for my apparent panic became obvious as tall, gorgeous in all the right places, intelligent and popular walked-by. He barely looked at me, gave me no acknowledgement. Even at the pinnacle of my humiliation I couldn’t grab his attention! How demoralising!
That my friends didn’t desert me at that moment is a miracle but I did notice later on I was seemingly always the last to learn about parties or happening social events. When I recall that moment I can’t help but cringe and be grateful I will never see anyone from college ever again. In fact it was this thought that dragged me through my remaining two years. The embarrassing years.
But now years later, it’s a new me, though it took quite sometime to reach the level of confidence I now have. Now and again it is but pure bravado what I feel but at such times I am reminded I could have been an older version of timid and insecure.

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